He's Here!

I suck because I haven't posted but.....Oliver is here! He arrived October 14th at 656 AM after a mere 11 hours of labor, one epidural, and 25 minutes of pushing. He is perfect and sweet and everything we have ever dreamed of. I couldn't love him more!

Here are some of the newborn pictures we took about 10 days after he was born.

Unfortunately, maternity leave is flying by and my little guy will be 4 weeks old tomorrow. I have 4 weeks of maternity leave left :( I know I have to go back to work eventually, and I do dread it, but I am trying to stay positive and thankful that this little miracle is even here at all.  I'm truly grateful for every second that I have with him.

Baby Shower and 31 weeks

Sorry for the delay...again! If anyone is even reading this anymore :) I am currently 31+2 weeks pregnant. I'm doing well, but getting big and definitely slowing down a bit. I start my midwifery clinical     rotation tomorrow and have to complete 8 hours a week until the first week of December.  This will be in addition to my 40 hour work week and on top of my 6 other credits for my masters program. An 8 credit graduate load is the most I have ever taken at one time.  I'm nervous but I'm trying to get as much done as possible before my little man gets here.  I just want to enjoy him as much as possible so I'm going to push myself to get most of the hours done before he gets here at the end of October or early November. So basically this week will begin the suckiness.  But I can get through it.

I had my baby shower yesterday and it was lovely! My wonderful friend Naomi hosted at her house and put together a beautiful party. My sister-in-law Sondra was down from RI house hunting for their upcoming move, so she helped out as well. It was a great time, and I received so many wonderful gifts from my friends at work. I couldn't help but wish that my mom had made it out here for my shower, or any of my family for that matter. I know I am the one that moved away but I am a little hurt that no one showed up or invited me home for a family party to celebrate this baby that we have been waiting for forever.  It was an extra knife in my back that my mom made the trek to chicago for my cousins baby shower (she struggled to get pregnant as well and is due a month after me).  My mom is retired, I offered to pay for her plane ticket to come and she declined saying it was too much. It just makes me feel unsupported by her.  She says she is coming for the birth, but I'm not going to hold my breath.  I guess I just thought that it would be easier being back in the states but I still feel kind of alone. I'm so thankful for Naomi. She is always there for me and I'm really glad that I can be there for her while her husband is away on deployment.

In other news, the baby's room is still not completed. I had a slight panic attack when I stood in the room and saw all the gifts and baby things.  It freaks me out a little to realize that this baby will be here in less that 10 weeks! But I think the anxiety is normal and I'm dealing with things one day at a time. We also got away for a babymoon to Cape Cod. We had a blast, I'll leave you with a few pictures.

23 Weeks

Total Weight Gain: +11 pounds. Yikes! I still feel like that isn't too bad, right? I gained the 6 back that I lost plus another 11 so far. Hopefully it doesn't stay at this alarming rate but my belly is getting BIG. And honestly I love it :)
Symptoms:
Maternity Clothes:  I haven't even bothered with regular clothes. The maternity ones are so comfortable and I've been waiting almost 5 years to wear them, why not indulge right?
Sleep: Sleeping okay, but having a lot of leg cramps in the evenings which gives me restless legs.  I am still pretty exhausted so I'm ready for bed early these days. I start night shifts on Monday, it's gonna be rough but I do like working nights better.
What I'm Eating: I'm still pretty hungry most days but can't eat as much as usual at each setting. I can't even finish a whole sandwhich or burger! But I'm always hungy about an hour and a half later. I've been tearing up some fruit because everything is so fresh these days. I love summer! 
What do I miss: I still long for a glass of white wine or a cold beer....and sleeping on my stomach :) But I can live without these.
What am I excited for: I received all my quilting fabric and my new sewing machine so I'm pretty excited to get cracking on the little guy's room. I found some weiner dog fabric and I'm pretty darn excited about it :)
Movement: I'm feeling my little man moving all over the place these days. If I'm laying on my back I can even see my belly move! He is especially active in the early mornings, he even wakes me up sometimes. I love feeling him rolling around and being rambunctious.

Things have been moving right along over here. We registered on Thursday which made the whole thing a 100x more real and even a little scary. I'm getting nervous about if he gets sick or when I'll have to leave him the first time. But I'm also excited and so grateful to get this opportunity. I know I will try my best to be a good mom to my little guy.

We finally decided on a name too! It'll be....Oliver Anthony.  We both loved the name Oliver and Anthony is after my dad who passed away 10 years ago.  I feel really good about it, and am glad we can call him Ollie instead of "the kid" or "the baby".
Some Belly Pictures:

20 Weeks

23 Weeks with Satchelpants

23 Weeks

Trucking Right Along...

This pregnancy is starting to fly by! I'm 20+4 today and feeling this little guy quite frequently. I felt something about a week and a half ago but I wasn't sure. Now he's moving all over,flipping and even kicking so hard that it made me belly move a couple of times. Sam can't feel anything yet even though we've tried a few times to catch it.  I'm gaining weight and am officially up 5 lbs :( I know it's normal and fine to gain weight but it freaks me out to see that number creeping up now....but I can handle it.My belly is definitely getting bigger and I am in all maternity clothes. I love wearing maternity clothes, I may never go back to normal jeans. Stretchy waists is the way to go :)
 I am enjoying my break from school and starting to nest. I have narrowed down my selections for fabric choices for this little guy's quilt and we picked out some paint colors. I still haven't started the registry but hopefully soon. Here are a few belly pictures (I can't figure out how to get them to flip) :

19 weeks

16 weeks

And Suddenly I'm out numbered !!!!

IT'S A BOY!!!!!  And I kind of had an inkling :) I just had a strange nagging feeling that it was a little dude in there. I am mourning the loss of the idea of a little girl (I named her Penelope) but I am stoked to think of the little man that will be here in a few short months. I am 19 weeks today and feeling good. My little belly is poking out a bit and now that I know what we are having we can start shopping! Watch out people this girl has got money to burn!

We got some great pictures during the ultrasound. He wasn't moving much though. I guess my uterus is tilted causing him to slide down and stay laying at the bottom by my bladder and cervix. No wonder I still have to pee every five minutes. He put his business on display for us and Sam was so excited. I know he really wanted a boy so it was great to make his dream come true.  Especially since he already made mine a reality just by creating this little man.

Here are some pictures:

Isn't he just the cutest?! We still haven't decided on a name yet but we have three that we like: Oliver, Benjamin, and Archer. Any suggestions or ideas would be helpful!

I'm baaaack......

Size of baby:

Total Weight Gain: -1 # I still haven't reached my pre-pregnancy weight....which is okay with me :) I know my belly is growing and I am measuring right on track. I lost about 6# during the first trimester and I gained back 5# so I'm almost there. Hopefully I'll only gain about 15-20# during the second half of this pregnancy.
Symptoms: Stuffy nose.  No more nausea though, feeling much better these days. I have moved up one cup size in the last 3 months which is crazy. My boobs hurt so bad that I can't even sleep on my stomach.
Maternity Clothes: I'm officially in all maternity pants and shorts.  I can wear a few of my old shirts and dresses but they are getting a little snug and shorter.
Sleep: I miss sleeping on my stomach. I've been using my knee as a kickstand to keep pressure off of my belly and my boobs. I'm sleeping okay but I have to figure something out quick because I am a devoted stomach sleeper.
What I'm Eating:  Anything salty. Chips, fries, pickles, olives, balsamic vinegar on everything :) I'll still eat sweets but I'm not as interested as I normally am.
What do I miss: I'll be honest...I miss beer. And wine. but that's it :)
What am I excited for: Tuesday morning we find out what we are having and I literally CANNOT WAIT!!!! It makes everything so much more real to me.  I can't wait to start working on the room and finalize the name.  And just seeing the little peanut makes me so excited. I'm thinking boy for some reason, but really who knows!
Movement: No movement yet, I'm waiting for it any day now :)

I've been such a bad blogger since I've been home. School has been crazy and work has really taken up a lot of my time. School ends for me next week and have taken the whole summer off to get ready for this baby. With no school work to do, I can just work and focus on enjoying summer and completing projects for the house and the baby. Being home has been lovely and I am enjoying every second. Belly pictures and house pictures to come.

Happy Memorial Day. Thank you to all of those who have served and those who have lost their lives in service. You are gone but never forgotten.

I'm Home!!!

My little pup Satchel and I made our trek across the ocean one last time on Thursday night. It was a long flight and seeing Sam for the first time with this little baby in my belly was pretty amazing. He has taken care of everything! He bought me a car, got it registered, insured, and had it waiting for me with balloons on top of it! He got me a phone # and a new iphone. He painted almost the entire downstairs of the house. I was amazed. It feels weird to be home but so good too. Our house is still pretty empty but it's just nice to have a real place to call our own.

I am feeling much better finally. My nausea is only coming in the afternoons and evenings now from about 2pm-7pm. I wake up feeling pretty great everyday. My little belly is getting a little bigger and my clothes are getting slightly uncomfortable. I'm in the weird phase where you just look fat not pregnant :) I'll take it though. We told Sam's mom and sister yesterday, it was the first people we were able to tell together and it was fun! I loved watching their reactions. They were like how did this happen? They were a little peeved that I'm already 12 weeks and hadn't told them yet, but I think they understood. I still haven't told my own mother yet. I'm waiting to tell her in person. I cannot wait!

Well that's all for now....pictures to come of the house in progress and the new wheels!

9 Weeks

This is my first survey! Yippee:

Size of baby: green olive
Total Weight Gain: no gain yet......

Symptoms: Nausea (ugghhh), fatigue, sore breasts, gas, constipation. I feel okay overall, but I've had a few days where I have struggled. I finally caved and got some zofran. It really has helped me tolerate the constant all day nausea.
Maternity Clothes: None yet, everything still fits. I am getting a little bloated in the evenings, but I'm usually in sweatpants by then :)
Sleep: Going to bed very early (7pm) and getting up too early, even on the weekends (445AM). I've never missed my own bed so much. Because I'm moving across the ocean (again) in 3 weeks, all of our stuff has been packed and moved out now for 3 weeks. Hopefully it's floating on a ship by now and making it's way back to our new house. I can't wait to get out of this loaner bed (no box spring, mattress is hard a rock) and into my good new pillow top mattress waiting for me at the new house!
Cravings: Grilled Cheese, fries, cold water, any carbs I can find. I'm running out of things I like to eat, though. Everything sounds good and then once I eat it and I feel sick afterwards, I can't eat it again.
Movement: None yet :)

I can't believe I've made it to nine weeks! I have my first official OB appointment and my dating ultrasound on April 3rd. they may change my due date since I've been measuring ahead for those first two ultrasounds, but honesty who knows? I'm a little worried that I haven't seen the baby for two weeks, but I'm trying hard to trust that everything is okay. I saw that beautiful heartbeat twice and still feel very sick. I have no reason not to believe that for once everything could be okay and actually work out for us. I'm getting really excited about my upcoming move and reuniting with Sam again. I can't wait to finally celebrate this little one with him and enjoy our new house together. It's crazy that I've been going through all of this alone, but I'm hanging in there and getting through it. We are just so lucky that it even happened at all that I can't help but be grateful no matter how screwed up our situation is. I have 19 days left in Italy. I cannot wait to get home and share our news with our parents and friends.

Updates

I'm still here. Still pregnant. Still nauseous and uncomfortable. Still grateful! I got to see my little bean again last friday and hear the beautiful little heartbeat. It was 147bpm and flickering away. I'm currently measuring 3 days ahead now, YIKES!!!

I finished up school for the quarter and am thankful to have a little two week break from the insanity of studying and writing papers while trying to keep my lunch down. I'm going to quilt and relax through my last few weeks here in Italy. It doesn't seem real that I will be moving home in a short 27 days. I cannot wait to be back with Sam and settle into our new house. Here's hoping our stuff will get there in a timely manner :)

In the last year I have completed 4 quilts and am currently working on my fifth. I thought I would share some pictures of the christmas quilt and the baby quilt I made for my mother and my bff (respectively).

Feeling like shit is a good thing right?

I'm feeling cruddy. Downright cruddy. Don't want to move, or eat, or smile again cruddy. I had no idea how this was going to feel. I guess I thought most women expected to be sick and therefore played the part. But this is serious. I haven't puked yet (for which I am grateful) but I am completely nauseated with awful belly pain 24 hours a day for the last three days. I can't even sleep because my stomach is gnawing away at me. It has caught me by surprise and I feel like a total wuss. Because Sam is gone, I only have the dog to complain to. Don't get me wrong, I am incredibly grateful for this little one, but I have a new found respect for pregnant women. I'm hoping this will pass quickly!

Meeting my little bean :)

I know this is a crappy scan but here is my little one! I had my first ultra sound today and it was amazing. As soon as I saw my little bean I started sobbing. The doctor couldn't even keep the image on the screen because of all my heaving. The doctor and my friend Sara and I all started screaming and laughing and crying with joy. I saw the yolk sac, fetal pole, and a beautiful heartbeat flickering away. We couldn't hear it yet but I saw it beating away. It was wonderful. I just cannot believe this is finally happening to me. I told another friend about the baby today and he actually had tears in his eyes. One of the most wonderful parts of this whole experience has been watching people react. It shows how much people care about us and how much they have been on this journey with us. I guess I felt so alone through all of this and then all of a sudden there were all these people standing there rooting for us the whole time. I am truly feeling the love!

I had my first bout of morning sickness today too. I almost had to pull the car over on the way to work this morning. It was bad. I guess I just have to eat something right when I get up to ward it off. It went away but it came back a little this afternoon. I still have the breast tenderness, am pretty sleepy, and have been hitting the bathroom pretty frequently. But other than that I feel pretty good.

I'll be getting another scan next week to see if we can get a better crown rump length and make sure things are still good. I measured one day ahead at 6+1 weeks. I am so thankful for this baby.

Empty House

I'm all packed up and will be living in an empty house for the next 44 days!!! Which means 44 days until I get home to my hubby and my new house. Life is good!

I'm all about the countdowns right now. Only 4 more days until my first ultrasound. I've been praying every night for my little butter bean in my belly. No matter what happens on Friday I know I am blessed. I have been happier in these past two weeks than I have been in a long time. I am so grateful for this experience and plan to soak up every second. I know the odds, I know anything could happen but I'm choosing to stay positive and pray that this time is my turn. We have waited and struggled. Why not us? Why don't we deserve this? I've even let myself unpack all the baby things I purchased for us while we were trying (and painfully packed away 2 years ago). I read through the Richard Scary books I bought, I looked at the little tiny outfits I bought. It felt amazing to even fathom the idea that this fall I will be a mom. Sam will be a dad. And we will be a little family.

Could this go any slower?

I'm barely pregnant and trying to enjoy every second but I just wish these first few weeks would go by faster. With Sam and I being apart I would love to speed this along so we can celebrate our little miracle. I'm staying in my ignorance is bliss mode right now. I have not gotten a blood test or an ultrasound or anything yet. I'm a nurse, I know I should, but I also know it isn't necessary yet. I'm taking my prenatal vitamins, I'm having a few symptoms, no pain, no bleeding so I figure I have a few weeks left just to hang out. I don't want everyone at work to know and our hospital is so small that everyone would know rather quickly. I have my 4 positive tests with the lines getting darker each day and that is enough for me.....for now.

Now that the initial shock has worn off I'm just enjoying the idea of us becoming a family of three, no offense to my pup Satchel. I'm also making myself nervous thinking about daycare when I have to go back to work and worrying about the actual delivery part of this whole deal. I'm a L & D nurse so I've seen some shit go bad in there and it scares the crap out of me. As scared as I am I continue to feel completely blessed to have a chance to have this baby. I know I am far from out of the woods yet, but I am truly grateful for this experience.

In other news the house is coming along well. I can't wait to move in! Sam hired someone to refinish all of the floors, he painted 3 of the rooms already, and some of our new furniture has arrived. The place will be ready to go by the time I get back in April. All of our stuff is being shipped on Monday back to the US (a nice 2 month long journey on a ship). I have a ton to do and no motivation. So far all I feel like doing is sleeping :)

And it's finally my turn :)

I know I've been away forever and literally so much has happened that it might be impossible for me to ever catch up. But I'll try...

• Went back to the states with my mom in mid January. Had some training in TX and then off to VA to visit the hubs.
• Closed on our first house! This is an entire post in and of itself but I'll give you a preview here... (more to come).
  
  
  

• I was in VA when my best friend Naomi became very sick and went into the hospital to have her baby. I was able to be with her through her whole labor, because her husband is away on a shipboard deployment. It was fantastic to take care of her at the old hospital I used to work at and where I soon will work again. Emma is a doll. See for yourself:

And most exciting of all (to me) was the perfect execution of our first IUI. We met with the Dr on Jan 31st and I had one perfect follicle. I got a repeat scan on the first of Feb and my HCG shot. Feb 2nd Sam went and gave his sample and brought it back to our hospital (count was 33 million with 71% motility) and I had my IUI just 2 hours before Emma was born, in the same exact hospital. How cool is that?

Then of course I had to leave my husband, my BFF, and little Emma to fly back to Italy for the last time. My dread two week wait began. On Sunday the 12th, my 5th wedding anniversary, I gave into my obsession with peeing on things and had a rather unsatisfactory result with a stupid blue dye cheapo test that I bought. I saw a clear line form immediately, no color in it, it looked just like a stupid evaporation line. The next morning the same thing. My poor husband begged me to stop, I was only 11dpo. But i bought a FR pink dye test that day and took it before I went to bed. And to my surprise this is what I saw!!

That second line formed and I held my breath. I couldn't believe my eyes. I am so grateful. I'm quite aware that it could end at any second but for now Sam and I are ecstatic. I rushed upstairs and called him on skype and told him through tears that he was finally going to be a dad. I so wish we could have been together but we are both so happy about the baby that neither one of us really cares. It's been such a long road and we are so happy to have found our way to this place, it doesn't matter how we got here. I feel truly lucky! We aren't going to tell anyone for awhile but I had to tell someone :) I can't believe it is finally my turn!

Spending Time with my Momma

Sorry I have been a little MIA lately.....I'm hanging out with my momma! I have been very lucky this month to have 4 weeks with the little spunky lady that raised me. She came out to spend Christmas and New Years with me for a well deserved post-retirement extravaganza. And oh man....have we been having fun! We haven't seen each other in a year and a half. And we definitely haven't spent 4 weeks together in the last 10 years, so this has been a real treat for me. Since Sam left, I've been a little lonely and trying to keep busy. This spry 60 year old can't be kept down. My house has been clean, dinner is made, and my dog has never been happier. We don't even have to do anything, but it made me realize how great it is to have someone here when you come home, especially your mom.

We had a beautiful Christmas and a lovely trip to Positano over New Years. Unfortunately, my car broke down on the way home due to some bad gunky shady gas that I got in Salerno. It wouldn't run at all and after waiting for 4 hours to see if an Italian guy could fix it, they admitted that they didn't know what the problem was and needed help from a family friend. So we left it there rented a car and headed back to Sici.ly. Problem #1 I don't drive stick and that was all the rental place had!!! So my mom stepped up to the plate and drove most of the way home. She also taught me on the way home so that I could drive to work the next day. I learned stick in 2 days, your mother and shear terror of crashing are some good teachers let me tell you :) So I finally can drive stick (scratched that off the old bucket list). Problem #2 6.5 hour drive, with a ferry ride to get back home. This means that yesterday we had to do a 13 hour drive with TWO ferry rides to bring the rental back and pick up my fixed car. Uggghhh. Longest day ever! We almost missed the rental car place being open (Italians close everything for the weekend at 1pm on Saturday, yet another reason I can't wait to get back to the good old usa!). We drop off our rental, pick up our car, start driving back and now the radio doesn't work! WTF! Which is fine, I mean at least the car is running. We drove back the last 6.5 hours just laughing and talking. I couldn't have had a better travel buddy. I love my mom for putting up with all this craziness for me. We have one more week together and I'm going to cherish every second.

I also only have 19 days until I see my husband again. Hurray! I finish my BCP on the 18th and start my letrozole on the 23. I'm so excited to be moving forward with this IUI. Also if everything goes well (which it never does) we should be closing on our house on Feb. 2nd. We have a lot of work to do, but I cannot wait to see it. We shall see. I hope to catch up on more stuff soon. Sorry for the delay!