Period + Vacation = Sucky!

So my cycle is over and a new one has begun. The last one for awhile. I know what you're thinking. "Rose, you've only done 5 cycles of clomid, why are you giving up so easily?" Well the answer is simple, I need a break. I will do this last 5th cycle of clomid and then I will get my break. I know it won't work, but my doctor wants me to try. I have no hope. I have let infertility steal all of my joy. Murgdan over at Conceive this posted this amazing video called Tears and Hope. I watched it three times yesterday and I cried my eyes out. I was crying so hard that it woke my husband up and he came down to check on me. I've let being infertile steal the joy out of my life and I don't want to experience these intense highs and lows every month. I psych myself up with hope at the beginning of each cycle and then I come crashing down with each failure. Each BFN sinks me deeper and deeper into depression and cynicism. So after this 5th cycle fails I can breathe, I can try and focus on the good things that I do have in my life and remember how it feels to be content again. I'm feeling rather ungrateful for my fabulous husband and the fact that I am living in Europe. I have amazing opportunities here and I am not enjoying them like I should.
So I've got a wicked period going on right now and we leave for Amsterdam tomorrow. Bad combo right? I'm excited to explore the city and drink some good beer and just be away from my job for awhile. But mostly I am excited to see my good friend Amy who is meeting us there. I have not seen her in a whole year and I am going to hug her so tight when I see her in two short days. I'm determined to enjoy this trip and make some great memories. I'll catch up with you all when I get back. Ciao!