Infertility and friendships.

It is amazing what infertility does to your friendships. Now that two of the people I am closest with are pregnant I feel a tension building with each of them. I am increasingly annoyed by their complaints about the pregnancy. My sister-in-law/BFF, we'll call her S, is now telling her husband who in is in turn telling his brother (my husband) that she thinks I am mad at her because she is pregnant again. Why would I be mad at her? So they wanted another baby, what is so wrong with that? Yeah it seems like inconvenient timing considering their big vow renewal ceremony is coming up but it's their life not mine. Yeah, I'm hurt that it's not me, but it has nothing to do with her. I'm just sick of everyone making it about them. This is our hurt and our struggle and no one ever thinks to see how hard this is on me. No one thinks about who they are talking to, every time they complain about how sick they are or how tired or how they'll deal with two. I don't want to hear it. I would take any of that if it meant that I could possibly have a family someday. But I sit there with a fake smile plastered on my face listening to them bitch about all the challenges and cons of being pregnant. S has not asked me about how I'm feeling or if I'm dealing with everything okay. She hasn't asked me where we are in our cycle. And frankly I don't want to talk with her about it because she doesn't understand and she definitely doesn't care.
See what infertility does? It breeds tension with all the people you need to support you. I still love my nieces and I still ask about the pregnancies, because even though it hurts me I still care. And I am far from perfect, but I feel like I am trying the best I can. I wish someone would make and effort for us, so we wouldn't feel so alone in all of this. At least Sam and I have each other.