Feeling Low...

I feel like shit today. I took a test this morning at 11 days post ovulation. I knew it would be negative but it still completely devastated me. I feel like giving up hope. I am so frickin depressed. I guess I figured the more negative I was about this cycle, the more it would (hopefully) end in a better light. Like if I finally gave up and stopped trying it would finally happen. But now I see what is truly happening...nothing. Nothing is going to happen. My body is flawed, I will never get pregnant on my own. And more likely than not I will never get pregnant. I just feel so low. I just want to curl up in a ball and cry.
My husband plays on the hospital softball team with my doctor. Yesterday they had a game and my doctor asked him how I was doing. Sam told him that we wanted to take a break if this cycle didn't work and that I had been pretty sad lately. My doctor actually said that he had been thinking about me and that he tries not to get emotionally involved with his patients but he can't help it with me, probably because we work together and are friends. It felt good to know that he cares, but it doesn't change the situation. I am infertile. I will never get pregnant. And I truly feel like giving up. I will never be a mom. I will never be filled with the joy of a hug or a smile from your child. I will never see my husbands dance with our baby or see him light up when our child walks for the first time. We will have quiet empty birthdays and christmas', we will have no grandchildren or warm family memories. It will be just the two of us growing old alone and probably dying alone. Man this is morbid! I hate feeling like this. It sucks....