Courage and Control

Hello everyone! I'm still here. Just trying to stay positive and get through each day. It's been a struggle the last few days. I'm still using my stop sign technique, but I'm finding myself getting a little bit angry inside. Angry that other people are pregnant (who in my opinion don't deserve it), angry for feeling sorry for myself. I'm still pulling away from my sister in law who is pregnant. I miss her so much, but I just feel sad when I talk with her. I feel like she's experiencing this wonderful part of life that I am so wanting to be a part of. I feel like she's changed in a way that I can't possibly understand. I hate that it has come between us and I hate that I am jealous of the life that she has created for herself.
On a lighter note I decided to make a list of some fun things that have made me smile or feel semi good over the last few days. Here goes...
1. Entourage- I love this frickin show. It's a man's show. It's funny and I am totally addicted. Ari is my favorite. You should all check it out. At the very least it has some good looking men in it :)
2. Eat, Pray, Love the movie- I'm going to see this tomorrow night. I read the book en route to Italy last year and I loved reading about Elizabeth Gilbert's journey to getting back to herself. I just started reading her new book, Committed and I'm already loving it. Can't wait to see Julia, Javier, and James tear it up around the world. I hope it exceeds my expectations.
3. The Wild Trapeze- This is the new album by Brandon Boyd (the lead singer of Incubus). It is awesome! He played all the instruments, wrote all the songs, and sang them beautifully. The song Courage and Control has been my anthem for the last week. It brought tears to my eyes when I heard it and reminded me of how I have to handle this struggle I've been lugging around.
4. Barcelona- Just a week and a half and I'll be in Spain. Hopefully drinking spanish wine, strolling through markets, and just plain relaxing. I love having a trip to look forward to, and living here we've been spoiled with plenty to do travel wise.
5. Sweet Peach Tea - A good friend of mine gave me the perfect southern sweet tea recipe and I've been guzzling this stuff like it's going out of style. Since I am from the midwest, I never really liked sweet tea. But I must say this stuff is goooooood! Email me if you want the recipe:)
6. Running- I've been working out A LOT this week and I feel pretty good. I haven't lost a damn pound and I'm still eating like a pig but I feel pretty good. I like knowing that I can run an extended amount if I need to, and it's a great way to clear my head.

So there's my positivity for the week. I have my next therapy appointment on Tuesday and a busy week ahead of me. Talk again soon!