Infertile in Italy: I am weak....

My new sister in law (and BFF) and her daughter Addison.

I know I've been missing...it's because I'm ashamed. Ashamed that on my break month I peed on three ovulation test sticks (one of which was positive :), noticed when I had EWCM, and timed intercourse. What kind of a break month is that????? I am proud of myself that I ovulated on my own though :)
I've also been missing because I was home in the States for the last 15 days, you know the good old USA (also known as heaven when you've lived in a foreign country). I had so much fun and I so didn't want to come back. While I was home I attended two weddings, took care of my mom, saw all 5 of my little nieces or nephews, drank with my girlfriends, ate what I wanted, and felt happy for the first time in so long. Just being with people that I know and love meant the world to me and made me feel so much like the old me, the good me. Sam and I got to spend some time together and we are doing well. I survived the wedding with the three pregnant bellies and I handled myself with dignity and confidence as everyone of my relatives asked me when we were going to have a baby and responded "I know it will happen for you", when I gave them the down and dirty on our infertility. It was so hard but I took the beatings and kept on going. My mother in law was the worst, and I know she didn't mean to be. But....she said that it just must not be our time, things will happen when they are supposed to. Then why do people get pregnant from a one night stand? Is that their time to have a baby? I don't buy it.

The best part of being home was seeing my nephew Evan and my new little niece Addy. Evan had a traumatic brain injury in September last year and has been living without half of his skull for the last 3 months due to an infection. I was so happy to see he is the same happy, rambunctious, and fun little boy he used to be, just with a helmet on! And Addy has so much personality and character. She took to me right away and that sweet little girl melted my heart. While her parents danced their first dance at their wedding they gave Addy to me. I danced and sang to her with tears in my eyes and she fell right asleep. Being with her made me even more passionate about being a mother. I don't know exactly where we are headed next but the end result will be a family for Sam and I.