Watching someone hurt

I think I have a pretty good understanding of pain in my life. I lost my dad to alcoholism when I was 19, my family puts the "fun" in dysfunctional, and I'm an infertile labor and delivery nurse, need I say more. Not only do I know some pain but I'm ironic as well :) Four years of crying over the pregnancy that will never come. Feeling your hopeful self crumble into a mess with each and every one line pregnancy test and each surprising period that comes your way. I've watched my best friend give birth to a baby with my husband's very fertile brother. I've designed invitations for baby showers for friends, and made blankets, and held these beautiful miracles all with tears in my eyes. I keep going, I keep my head down, I hold secret hope that my turn will come....eventually.
Apparently I enjoy pain because, I also started a bereavement program for parents that have lost pregnancies, have delivered a preterm baby resulting in a death, or delivered a stillbirth. I was trained to help these women through some serious pain. I knew that a lot of nurses at my work were highly uncomfortable taking care of women in these situations. But I enjoyed it, I felt for these women, I cried with these women, I enabled them to make choices and make memories of their children. It isn't easy to be this their rock, but I wouldn't trade it for the world. I would rather put myself through a little pain to help these women, than to have them be stuck with a nurse that doesn't know how to help them or doesn't want to help them.
I met with one of the dr's at work today because she experienced her 5th miscarriage this year. She was in agony. It hurt so bad just for me to see her hurt. I wonder if that is how people see me when I cry about my infertility. Not pity, just pain, actual pain to see someone losing faith in life and love, to feel like they'll never smile again. I just sat and listened to her, and let her cry. She thanked me several times for listening to her. When you're in pain I guess that's all you really want anyway. Someone to tell you you're not crazy. To assure you that you have a right to feel the way you do.
It feels good to use my own pain to help ease someone elses. Something good from something bad, right? Say a prayer for my friend today...she can use the good vibes.