And it begins again...

Remember my post a few weeks ago about how I was just waiting for my next friend to get pregnant? Well that time has come. Besides all the 19 year old enlisted people that I work with getting pregnant left and right, now my friend and colleague is pregnant. She hasn't told me yet but it's a small world that we work in and I heard it from someone else. I was just telling her last week about our struggles and our next moves. She didn't say a word to me. I feel like an idiot. And when I heard it from a friend, it was like a slap in the face. I hate feeling like this. Part of me is happy for her, good for her, she didn't have to struggle. She's in a great marriage, has a great job, and will be a wonderful mother. But part of me (the evil part) thinks "it must be nice, hmmmph!" To get pregnant so easily, to not even be trying, or to be trying and to be able to keep it to yourself. I don't tell everyone about our struggle but I do have a hard time keeping my mouth shut once I get going about infertility. I just feel annoyed I guess. That I try so hard and cannot have children and she has said on more than one occasion that she isn't sure she's ready for kids and is now pregnant. Life just isn't fair. I know this in my head but I keep feeling so sorry for myself. I need to just get over it, and realize that it just isn't my turn.