Her: " I have to tell our boss a little secret?"
Me: "Let me guess, you're pregnant? Ha ha ha ha ha ha!" (I laughed like an idiot because she's young, not married, and has known her strange Italian boyfriend for like 2 months).
Her: "Shhhh! Don't tell anyone, I'm only 7 and a half weeks."
I wanted to die. I wanted god to strike me with lightening and melt me to the floor. I was embarrassed that I laughed and then I was just plain angry. I pulled myself together congratulated her and went on with my day. By the time I went home, I was in tears. I just keep thinking why does this happen for everyone but me. I feel like I've done something in this life or a past life to deserve this. This type of punishment doesn't just happen, it's earned. And I am suffering. I feel so much like I let everyone down. Myself, Sam, my mom, his parents. And I'm sick of feeling sorry for myself, but I do. I ask myself why me? over and over again all day everyday. Why is this happening to me? I hope to figure out the answer to that question some day.
On a good note, I found out that I was finally able to switch my MSN major to midwifery. It's been a decision I was struggling with and I finally decided to bite the bullet and do it. I got my acceptance letter yesterday. It's a huge deal for me. I may not be able to have babies of my own, but I will be able to help other women bring their babies into the world. I leave for Prague and Vienna on Tuesday. I cannot wait! 4 months until I leave sicily :) I'm beyond ready to go.
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