Goodbyes and Shocks to the System

Good morning blog world. Hope everyone is doing well. I'm doing okay...still pretty hopeless about this cycle. Even though I was on a higher dose of Femara I ovulated later than I did the last time, cycle day 17. WTF? I told my Dr and he said "Rose, I don't know why, you're an enigma!" I don't want to be an enigma! I just want to know why my body will not do what I ask of it! So I am currently cycle day 22. Feeling nothing special and just trying to get this cycle over to start my Femara again. I cannot build this cycle up because I cannot emotionally handle another failure. So I give up before I even get a chance to fail.
I'm gearing up for a hard goodbye in about 2 weeks. My best friend N, a friend I met here in Sicily and have been joined at the hip with for almost a year, is leaving to go back to the states with her husband to their next duty station. I cannot imagine life here without her. I'm dreading a week filled with tears, she leaves on the 17th. We still have a fun trip to Germany planned for next week. Can't wait to make some more fun memories with her.
N gave me a pretty good shock to my system on Thursday. She is one of my two friends that doesn't have any children. She is happily married and wants children but was waiting because they weren't ready and her husband is deployable. Well her husband expressed to her that he got his deployment schedule and the she should remove her IUD so they can start trying. She was caught off guard too and excited and she called me to tell me and then asked me to come down to the ER to hold her hand while one of the Dr's took out her IUD (5 minutes after her husband had called her and told her she should take it out). She was totally sensitive and asked me if I was okay with this, and told me she wanted us to be pregnant together. I really appreciate that she thought of me. I know she gets how hard this is for me. But it still stirred up my feelings of jealousy and self pity. In my mind I have her pregnant already, leaving me behind like every other friend that has started their families. She has all kinds of questions for me about trying to conceive and she is so excited she just wants to talk about it. It just hurts that I have lost that excitement, that it is replaced by negativity and cynicism. It hurts that everyone gets to move forward, so quickly and for free. I am jealous that her husband really wants to have children and is excited for the next adventure in their lives. Sam told me last week that he has only been going through with the TTC to make me happy and that he could do without children. I feel like crap. I'm a bad friend. I'm a bad wife. I'm feeling like a bad person. Uggghhh!