Less than Hopeful, and Trying Desperately Not to Care.

I'm less than hopeful. I broke and peed on a stick yesterday at 10dpo. Nothing. One stupid, annoying, condescending line. I hate that line on the right. I want to see the line on the left!!!! Is that so much to ask. I've been having cramping the last two days. I keep oscillating between certainty that it is my impending period and praying to GOD that it is something else.
I'm trying so hard not to care. I'm trying hard to think of all the things that I "get" to do because we are childless. But booze and sleep and vacations don't take away the pain of empty arms. It doesn't keep from crying when I see a pregnant belly or a onesie. I had a rough day today, I feel like I could cry at the drop of a hat.
The uphill battle that we've been fighting is becoming more real to me. It's becoming more real to Sam too. I used the 1 in 6 couples statistic the other day and he just said "Wow, that sucks that's less than 20% chance. How unlucky are we?"
I am dreading these letrozole cycles being over. Because that's it, end of story, for a whole year! That's a long time to sit and wait for some help. But this is the way it is, I have no choice, I'm stuck here. Before I took the clomid I thought... all I'll need is a little clomid. That'll do it for sure, I'll get pregnant right away. Then I didn't and before I took the letrozole I thought, "That clomid was drying up all my CM, I'll take the letrozole and that'll do it, we'll get pregnant right away." How long can I do this to myself? Do I just accept this? Do I skip to IVF? Do we live without children? Should I just keep trying?

Who new that life would be this hard. My empty arms ache for a tiny human that looks just like my handsome husband. My heart aches to love a child that is my own. This is literally the most painful time in my life being faced with the reality that having children is something I will probably never experience.