Empty House

I'm all packed up and will be living in an empty house for the next 44 days!!! Which means 44 days until I get home to my hubby and my new house. Life is good!

I'm all about the countdowns right now. Only 4 more days until my first ultrasound. I've been praying every night for my little butter bean in my belly. No matter what happens on Friday I know I am blessed. I have been happier in these past two weeks than I have been in a long time. I am so grateful for this experience and plan to soak up every second. I know the odds, I know anything could happen but I'm choosing to stay positive and pray that this time is my turn. We have waited and struggled. Why not us? Why don't we deserve this? I've even let myself unpack all the baby things I purchased for us while we were trying (and painfully packed away 2 years ago). I read through the Richard Scary books I bought, I looked at the little tiny outfits I bought. It felt amazing to even fathom the idea that this fall I will be a mom. Sam will be a dad. And we will be a little family.

Could this go any slower?

I'm barely pregnant and trying to enjoy every second but I just wish these first few weeks would go by faster. With Sam and I being apart I would love to speed this along so we can celebrate our little miracle. I'm staying in my ignorance is bliss mode right now. I have not gotten a blood test or an ultrasound or anything yet. I'm a nurse, I know I should, but I also know it isn't necessary yet. I'm taking my prenatal vitamins, I'm having a few symptoms, no pain, no bleeding so I figure I have a few weeks left just to hang out. I don't want everyone at work to know and our hospital is so small that everyone would know rather quickly. I have my 4 positive tests with the lines getting darker each day and that is enough for me.....for now.

Now that the initial shock has worn off I'm just enjoying the idea of us becoming a family of three, no offense to my pup Satchel. I'm also making myself nervous thinking about daycare when I have to go back to work and worrying about the actual delivery part of this whole deal. I'm a L & D nurse so I've seen some shit go bad in there and it scares the crap out of me. As scared as I am I continue to feel completely blessed to have a chance to have this baby. I know I am far from out of the woods yet, but I am truly grateful for this experience.

In other news the house is coming along well. I can't wait to move in! Sam hired someone to refinish all of the floors, he painted 3 of the rooms already, and some of our new furniture has arrived. The place will be ready to go by the time I get back in April. All of our stuff is being shipped on Monday back to the US (a nice 2 month long journey on a ship). I have a ton to do and no motivation. So far all I feel like doing is sleeping :)

And it's finally my turn :)

I know I've been away forever and literally so much has happened that it might be impossible for me to ever catch up. But I'll try...

• Went back to the states with my mom in mid January. Had some training in TX and then off to VA to visit the hubs.
• Closed on our first house! This is an entire post in and of itself but I'll give you a preview here... (more to come).
  
  
  

• I was in VA when my best friend Naomi became very sick and went into the hospital to have her baby. I was able to be with her through her whole labor, because her husband is away on a shipboard deployment. It was fantastic to take care of her at the old hospital I used to work at and where I soon will work again. Emma is a doll. See for yourself:

And most exciting of all (to me) was the perfect execution of our first IUI. We met with the Dr on Jan 31st and I had one perfect follicle. I got a repeat scan on the first of Feb and my HCG shot. Feb 2nd Sam went and gave his sample and brought it back to our hospital (count was 33 million with 71% motility) and I had my IUI just 2 hours before Emma was born, in the same exact hospital. How cool is that?

Then of course I had to leave my husband, my BFF, and little Emma to fly back to Italy for the last time. My dread two week wait began. On Sunday the 12th, my 5th wedding anniversary, I gave into my obsession with peeing on things and had a rather unsatisfactory result with a stupid blue dye cheapo test that I bought. I saw a clear line form immediately, no color in it, it looked just like a stupid evaporation line. The next morning the same thing. My poor husband begged me to stop, I was only 11dpo. But i bought a FR pink dye test that day and took it before I went to bed. And to my surprise this is what I saw!!

That second line formed and I held my breath. I couldn't believe my eyes. I am so grateful. I'm quite aware that it could end at any second but for now Sam and I are ecstatic. I rushed upstairs and called him on skype and told him through tears that he was finally going to be a dad. I so wish we could have been together but we are both so happy about the baby that neither one of us really cares. It's been such a long road and we are so happy to have found our way to this place, it doesn't matter how we got here. I feel truly lucky! We aren't going to tell anyone for awhile but I had to tell someone :) I can't believe it is finally my turn!