Weird Feelings

So I started this support group for all of my patients that have lost babies.....I know, I'm crazy. But I feel like my supporting them somehow keeps me going. I have something to offer them because I want a child too. I don't dare to think that I know the pain they are going through but I do feel like I want to be there to help them through their grief. The group is VERY small right now. Just the one girl that helped me form it and her friend that went through a very similar experience to hers. I introduced them and they pulled each other out of despair. I was so pleased to hear that one of them was pregnant (she told me about 3 weeks ago). She has no living children and lost her first at 17 weeks. At our first meeting (right before she told me she was pregnant) she basically told me she had given up, had no hope, and was turning her back on god. And then BAM! She's pregnant. The other member found out on Monday during our meeting and showed me her positive pregnancy test. She has 4 children but has also had 4 losses. I am so happy for them both but it makes me truly wonder if sometimes you have to give up or hit rock bottom to get what you wanted or needed. Maybe I'm not there yet?

The second lady also just received this "fertility" rock that her friend used that helped her get pregnant right away. It seems to have worked for her. And call me crazy but I can't wait to get my hands on that rock! I know it is silly but sometimes you just need something to believe in. And when you want something so badly, you'll sometimes try anything to get it. I'm feeling like I'm at that point. They also both went to what we lovingly refer to as "the pen.is bar" about a month and a half ago. It's this fertility bar where everything in the place is in a phallic shape. I have quite a few patients who swear this place is what did it for them. I've been there twice before and nothing ever happened for me but I did walk by it with my brother while he was here. We went in for a few minutes just to look around, and I did ovulate for the first time in 5 months about 4 days later. It just makes me wonder.....

Anyway, I'm heading home to see my hubby in less than a week and in preparation since I ovulated last month and got my first period in 5 months, I took my last few doses of letrozole days 3-6. I didn't even have a full course and I didn't tell the hubby yet that I did it. But hell, I figured it was worth a try. When your only chance to make a baby will be a few sporadic weeks over the next 8 months you might as well go for it, right? It's worth a shot :)