A new direction.

I've been dreading writing this post. Things are changing for Sam and I....and not in the great way that I had hoped. We decided to scrap the last cycle of femara and hCG because I cannot emotionally handle it. We're at the end of the line here in Sicily and I'm not ready to go out in town. So now we wait....for the next year, a whole year, as in 12 months, and 4 seasons, and 12 cycles to get back to the states to pursue "real" fertility treatments. I literally cannot believe that it has come to this. I never really thought I would need this much help, just a little clomid, just a little femara, just a trigger shot. Who knew it would snowball into a conversation about how in the hell we will pay for IVF?
So I got my period on mother's day last week, and suffice to say that I was a frickin basket case. I cried for several hours each day on Saturday, Sunday, Monday, and Tuesday. Sam and I talked about everything while I snotted and sobbed all over the place. We decided to scrap this last one because he is worried about my emotional wellbeing....and frankly so am I. I do feel better the last few days but I was truly feeling depressed. I was crying at the drop of a hat, not eating, not sleeping, just really down. So I broke up with my OB doctor on Wednesday and he thinks we are doing the right thing. He wished me well and said that he "wished there was more he could have done". Preaching to the choir sir! I wish my body could have done more, that it could do what it was supposed to do!
So I'm done beating myself up. I'm off the meds, my body is starting to relax, and I'm forcing myself to thing about other things. I literally did everything that I could do, I have no regrets. I'm married to a wonderful man, I live in Europe, and I have almost everything I could want. How can I not be more grateful? I'm still hurting but I have to give this obsession over pregnancy and babies a rest. My marriage deserves a break from the stress. I deserve a break from the stress.
Nurse's week is over, we did a lot of fun stuff to honor all the nurses and the Na.vy Nur.se Corps. I was stressed about that as well. There are some pictures from our celebration below. We head to dublin on Wed. And I am truly looking forward to a nice relaxing 4 day weekend in Ireland.

All of the nurses celebrating at a local wine bar.

Me and my huney!